Sexual congress begins with the act of penetration, when the man inserts his erect penis into his partner’s vagina – and often the end of sexual congress follow soon afterwards.! (I refer to premature ejaculation, or more specifically, a man’s inability to delay his ejaculation! However premature ejaculation is not an inevitable aspect of sex by any means. In fact there are many ways in which a man can learn how to control the speed of ejaculation - in other words, the speed with which he ejaculates, including some unusual strategies which you may not be aware of. To start with, there shouldn’t be any end of caresses or kissing at the moment of penetration. Sex is not just about the sexual intercourse, meaning the man thrusting to orgasm and ejaculation.
For a woman to feel connected to her sexual partner it’s essential that the man continues the caresses that he started during foreplay. Another problem is of course that men often don’t want to focus on anything other penetration and thrusting, although in some ways this is not a bad thing. It’s certainly true that a man who allows himself to be distracted by other activities, or even by his own thoughts, during the active phase of lovemaking may find that he ejaculates far too quickly — the reason for this is that he is not aware of his own arousal. Or, he’s unable to estimate the time that is going to elapse before he ejaculates.
Certainly keeping awareness of how aroused you are, and how near the point of ejaculatory inevitability you are, during sex, is essential for good control of ejaculation during lovemaking.
But there’s a lot more to this, as I’ve already suggested: for a woman to feel attached to a man, she must feel engaged emotionally with the lovemaking. It’s necessary to stress this, because many men do not understand how important it is to indulge in adequate foreplay with their partners before sexual congress, and they tend to divide sex into two distinct parts – that is to say, foreplay and coitus – giving much more importance to the latter!
A break after the former is often followed by a decision on the best sex position to intercourse, which effectively disrupt the process into two stages and breaks a sense of continuity for the woman.
The object of foreplay is twofold. First, to yield pleasure in itself, and second to prepare the woman for the act of penetration and intercourse. So this means that any unnecessary break or interruption during sexual activity is unsatisfactory. The ideal is that there should be a continuous period of caresses and kissing, so that sexual activity should rise continually, until at some point penetration takes place, after which there is is a continuous session of sexual intercourse, during which sexual arousal continues to rise naturally, and unavoidably, until the moment of complete physical release at orgasm and ejaculation — preferably, simultaneous orgasm and ejaculation.
Now, many of the underlying assumptions about this suggest that the man is the active partner in coitus, and there’s an implicit assumption that lies alongside this statement – that the woman must remain passive during sexual intercourse. But of course this is completely wrong.
As you may well be aware, a woman’s sexual organs are far from inactive, even if she seems to be passively receiving the man’s attentions. The truth is that sex becomes a much better experience for both parties if the woman is actively engaged in what she’s doing: the instinctive hip movements a man makes during sexual intercourse will also be mirrored by the woman.
When a woman is able to relax and abandon herself during a sexual act she may well find her body making instinctive movements in response to the movements of her male partner, so that sexual intercourse become something in which both partners actively cooperate.
You can understand the dynamics of sex between men and women much more easily when you understand the sexual excitement which is essential to obtain maximum pleasure from sexual intercourse is the result of thrusting movements which produce friction inside the vagina. These movements consist of the erect penis being brought into contact with the soft walls of the vagina. This stimulates the nerves of the penis, especially those nerves on the sensitive area at the head of the penis called the glans, and tend to produce an increasing level of arousal which eventually triggers the man’s ejaculatory reflex.
It follows therefore that to control premature ejaculation, slower movements may be more desirable, and in addition, we know that shallow thrusts tend to enable a man to last longer during sexual intercourse than deep thrusts.
Now of course it’s preferable that the woman should reach orgasm during intercourse, but we also know that very few women have this capacity: it’s a myth that the majority of women are able to reach orgasm during intercourse, simply because the man can’t thrust hard enough for long enough to produce the level of sexual arousal necessary to trigger a woman’s orgasm.
A good compromise, however, is for the man to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse so that his partner can enjoy the experience of orgasm before he himself experiences ejaculation. I’m prompted at this juncture to talk about a man who wrote to me saying that he felt sexual intercourse was difficult because of his health problems, which appeared to consist of a severe case of gout in his feet. Now I’m well aware that gout is a serious problem, causing great pain, but I’m not entirely sure how it can interfere with sexual pleasure!
Nonetheless, I offered him the opportunity to explore www.overcomepainwithdiet.com as it contains some suitable remedies. Some time later he wrote to explain in more detail what exactly was going on – and it turned out that this man, during intercourse, pressed with his feet against the footboard of the bed to gain greater leverage as he thrust into his partners’s vagina during intercourse. Knowing no different way of getting the leverage needed for sex, he continued to do this even after an attack of gout in the joints of his toes became inflamed and uncomfortable! I need hardly say that had he had the discernment to adopt a different sexual position, one that did not cause irritation to his feet, he would very likely have suffered much less pain and interruption to his sex life!
Another man wrote to me suggesting that he was having difficulty with sexual intercourse because of his enlarged prostate. When I enquired as to the exact nature of the problem he was experiencing, he told me that he was using Tamsulosin Hydrochoride as a medication to relieve pressure of his enlarged prostate on his urinary tract, and the drug appeared to be causing retrograde ejaculation in which he ejaculated into the bladder rather than externally through the urethra into his partner. In addition he was experiencing diminution of the sensation and intensity of these ejaculations, because the muscles responsible for ejaculation are in fact made to relax by the use of this drug.
(One important piece of advice to a man in this situation would be to use some kind of natural health supplement – because prostate health supplements actually work). I also advised him to spend a lot more time on foreplay before entering his partner, so the volume of semen he produced was much greater — this in itself produces much more intense sensation during orgasm and ejaculation. I also advised him to spend a lot longer on foreplay so that he was more aroused before he ejaculated. It transpired that by using both these techniques he was able to obtain much greater sensation, even when using the drug he had been prescribed for prostate enlargement.