Why is the Internet full of
Advice on how to get back together with your ex-partner?
Because loads of people make a mistake when they break up – and then they find they don’t know how much they love somebody, and they want to get back together with them pretty quickly when the realization of the magnitude of the mistake they’ve made comes upon them.
Well, fair enough, but the question becomes, how do you persuade somebody with whom you broke up unnecessarily that you are the ideal couple and should be staying together for life?
Not an easy proposition, you might say, and you would be right. So let’s see if we can find some steps which might help you get back together with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
If the reason you broke up was because you were having mediocre sex – and, guys I’m thinking of you here – then you need to do something about it. Premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, erectile dysfunction – each and every one of them can be very disruptive to a relationship, can turn a woman right off you, and make her go elsewhere simply because she can get better sex with another man.
Consider the statistics about the length of intercourse: men usually come after four minutes of intercourse, and women, well, what do they want?
Women say that the “ideal” length of intercourse is between 10 and 13 minutes.
Just wonder for a moment whether or not your view of your sexual performance is matched in any way shape or form by your partner’s view of it.
Sorry – your ex partner’s possible view of your sexual performance. And then consider whether or not there is urgent remedial action to be taken on your part to become a better lover.
Naturally, getting greater stamina in bed, or powering up your endurance, isn’t the only thing you need to do to improve your masculinity.
You need to become a sensitive caring man who can relate to women in a way that they like, if not love and understand.
Women’s ability to connect is all about feelings, whereas men tend to be much more about action – a vague generality, but worth mentioning as a reminder to you that you have work to do in other fields than the purely physical.
So you want to get back together with your ex, and as you probably have seen on the Internet, lots of people suggest that you start by texting an ex. In fact I’d suggest that you start by beginning to think hard about why you want to get back with somebody.
It’s very natural, if you broke up, to think that you might miss the company and sense of security or happiness that the relationship gave you – but the undeniable truth is that you broke up for very good reason, and perhaps that’s what you need to look right now.
Because in the clues to your breakup lies a clue to whether or not you will be able to change your behavior in way that makes it acceptable to your ex-partner.
And here’s something really important – the fact that you don’t want to change who you are if the way in which you would have to change to be acceptable to your ex-partner is truly different to the man or woman you currently are. You see what I’m getting at?
The question is, what price you going to pay in terms of giving up your identity for the sake of getting back together with your ex partner?
And while it’s all very well talking about how you can improve your sexual performance, as we all know, relationships based on a lot more than sex.
Or at least, your relationship should be based on more than sex if you are to stand any chance of getting back together. What you need to remember is that if the reason you want to get back together with your ex-partner is because you’re frightened of being alone, or it’s simply a reaction to separation, then you have no real basis for getting back together.
Obviously the same is true of you getting back together simply to save face in front of friends or family.
And you also need to think really carefully about what went on at the end of the relationship. You have to change something before you get back together – and I’ve already mentioned in this context your sexual performance; even so, it’s much more likely to be about emotional reasons – frankly, if you’re a man you may well be showing emotional inadequacy for your ex-partner’s needs.
There’s another issue too – which is whether or not you spend your life meeting somebody else’s needs or you find a new partner who has a degree of self-reliance and fulfilment. Setting a boundary may well be necessary.
Not An Easy Decision
Apart from any of that, the fact that you are showing a willingness to change means your partner may see you as a person who is genuinely making an effort to re-establish connection; and if you admit the things you did wrong, assuming that you know, your care and investment in the relationship might be just enough to get back together.
And the truth is that the more you pursue her, the more desperate you will seem, and for women nothing is more of a turnoff than the needy man who can’t live without them.
Therefore, if you’re trying to get back together with your ex-partner by texting an ex on a regular basis, you’re making a big mistake. You’re trying to get yourself back into her (or his) life far too soon, in too forceful a way.
If it’s possible, wait for her to come to you. If you try to move things too fast, she’s likely to pull away again.
So the good advice here is focus on yourself for a while, focus on your friends, and absorb yourself in what pleasures and pleases you. You never know, you might surprisingly find that you’re not missing so much after all.
Do the right thing, by the way! That means don’t interrupt her if she’s forming another relationship. Keep your distance and wait your time and if you really care for her, be mature enough to put aside your jealousy and resentment, your sadness and anger. Perhaps easier said than done, but it’s the mark of an emotionally mature man.
When you do get an ex back, or when you start the process, let’s say at a first meeting, you need to take things slowly. You need to reach out in a low-pressure way because her level of trust will not be high.
Definitely don’t start off by putting emotional pressure on with words like “we need to get back together”.
The best way to approach this whole thing is to be like a friend who cares about her. On the basis of your friendship you might be able to rebuild a relationship, so make your first meeting somewhere low-pressure, somewhere NOT emotionally charged the two of you, and somewhere that doesn’t raise all kinds of emotive issues.
Clever things like going to the restaurant where you first met are a seriously bad idea. She is likely to become less trusting of you if you pull a stunt like that.
You see what’s going on here: you have to keep things casual, you have to keep the pressure low, and you aim to simply re-establish a connection and some degree of intimacy on the basis of friendship with no other expectations – particularly sexual ones.
You could introduce the subject of your breakup by saying something like “I’ve been thinking about the breakup, and I’ve realized how much of a part I had to play in it. I’d like to talk to you about it. Is that OK?”
Finally if you do start the relationship up again, you really are going to have to take responsibility for everything bad that was your fault, and to be truthful your ex is going to have to take responsibility for whatever was his or her fault.
Take your responsibility as best you may, open up to the faults that you manifested in the relationship, and change for the future. You have to do things differently in the future, or what broke you apart in the first place will simply break you apart again.