A problem faced by many men is much less well-known than premature ejaculation – the problem of delayed ejaculation, when a man can’t ejaculate in a timely fashion during sexual intercourse.
This may sound perverse, because we are all accustomed to experiencing reports in the media of premature ejaculation cures for men who can’t control themselves (or their excitement) during intercourse.
The reality of the matter is, however, that just as many men have difficulty ejaculating at all as have controlling their ejaculation!
The problem stems from the fact that many men are “cut off” from their feelings, and therefore don’t experience the correct degree of sexual arousal during intercourse – the correct arousal, in this case at least, being the level of arousal necessary to take them to the point of ejaculation.
Now having said that, it’s not an uncommon problem, and it can be cured – but it does require the man who is experiencing it to face up to some tricky issues – horror of horrors, for most men, facing up to the emotions that might be causing the problem!
Nonetheless, with a degree of determination and some sympathetic help by his partner, most men who have this problem will find that they are restored to full ejaculatory capacity quite quickly.
The cause of the problem is unknown – at least, in the generic sense. What we know at a specific level is that emotional experiences such as anger towards the partner, fear during sexual intercourse, or other difficulties such as guilt and shame around sex are certainly implicated in the origin of the problem.
And one of the things that I’ve come across many times is that men who feel they have difficulty ejaculating in a timely way will want to avoid exploring their feelings; this is quite understandable, because for a man there is something slightly humiliating about being a sexual “failure” – at least in the man’s own terms.
So a more compassionate approach to this issue is certainly required – a fact reflected perhaps in the way that delayed ejaculation is no longer called retarded ejaculation or other derogatory terms that have been used in the past.
Solutions for slow ejaculation
Many men with this difficulty will approach the problem from a practical point of view, asking their pharmacist or doctor if they can have some drug that would resolve the day difficulty they’re facing – needless to say, there is no drug, and any treatment program usually does involve some degree of psychological analysis or exploration.
Now if you’re a man for whom the thought of counselling or therapy is terrifying, then you will be reassured to know that this doesn’t have to be profound or prolonged therapy – it simply has to be effective enough to just loosen the inhibition over ejaculation, and beyond that, any exploration of relationship issues is entirely down to the couple in question.
Often men with delayed ejaculation seem to be a little bit inhibited in the expression of their feelings. They have too strong a control of orgasm, or perhaps even in the expression of their masculinity – there are ways to deal with that, that go beyond the common or garden workshop setting, and allow men to find ways to step more powerfully into their masculinity.
One route you might consider if you’re in this situation is the Tantric route to self-exploration and growth and development – while Tantra is thought of something esoteric from the East, that perhaps we Westerners would do well to avoid, it’s actually very practical and wonderful system of exploring the essence of your sexuality in a non-threatening and self esteem enhancing way.
Perhaps is becoming clear to you now that there are many different routes to the treatment of delayed ejaculatory, not all of them have to involve deep exploration of the psyche – something that many men find frightening, as I’ve already observed stop the truth of the matter is that in general the old-fashioned treatment methods such as desensitisation were inadequate because they weren’t backed up any kind of psychological analysis.
With a little bit of exploration of the psyche, and a little bit of exploration of emotional feelings, is possible for men and women to explore the practical, sexual side of their relationship in a way that opens out inhibited concepts and feelings for discussion, thereby loosening the man’s hold or “restraint” over his ejaculatory tendency.
In other words, desensitization is a good approach to the problem, and indeed this formed the first classic approach to treatment: the man would be encouraged to gradually develop greater intimacy with his partner, if only on a physical level, and finally to effect a maneuvre called the “bridging maneuvre” in which he could ejaculate inside his partner.
Now times have moved on, and such forthright and perhaps forceful treatment methods are no longer appreciated by either therapists or clients.
Binaural beats, or binaural tones, are auditory processing artifacts, or apparent sounds, caused by specific physical stimuli. This effect was discovered in 1839 by Heinrich Wilhelm Dove and earned greater public awareness in the late 20th century based on claims coming from the alternative medicine community that binaural beats could help induce relaxation, meditation, creativity and other desirable mental states. The effect on the brainwaves depends on the difference in frequencies of each tone: for example, if 300 Hz was played in one ear and 310 in the other, then the binaural beat would have a frequency of 10 Hz.
Now you may not have heard of the use of binaural beats before, but they’ve been around for quite some time on the Internet, and if you’re interested in using you can find many suppliers will be able to offer a variety of recordings suitable for a variety of issues, both psychological and physical. I’m never use them myself so I can’t recommend them, but it’s certainly true that they are offered for programs to cure premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. The way that I think they work is to put the somebody in touch with their deepest self, so that the psychological issues which may or may not have been affecting their sexual performance become less significance and don’t exert as much influence over their psyche.
Another approach to curing premature and delayed ejaculation is self hypnosis.
You’ll see from the reference I’ve just put in that link that if you go there the doctor in question dismisses this as an opportunity to cure premature ejaculation out of hand – I wouldn’t be so cavalier. I think that where self hypnosis can be useful is in relaxing an individual, and reducing the level of anxiety that they experience around sexual issues.
Certainly you will find many suppliers offering tapes and MP3 recordings designed to cure premature ejaculation: for example, this supplier offers the following information. hypnosisappstore.com:
Anxiety plays a big role in sexual problems and can sometimes produce an almost phobic response of fear. This application is designed to help you to begin to reprogram your mind to feel comfortable, confident, competent and in control during sexual activity. The aim is for you to learn how to relax, breathe naturally and feel really good about those situations.
Features: A powerful hypnosis audio session for controlling premature ejaculation.
Additional free hypnosis sessions designed to enhance and reinforce the main session:
1. Relax Completely
2. Supercharge Your Self Esteem & Self Confidence
3. Total Relaxation in 10 minutes
Hypnosis sessions incorporate dual vocal delivery & unique powerful audio technology designed to help the listener access a deep hypnotic, meditation state much more quickly and easily than would usually be possible.
A choice of beautiful, relaxing video animations to run with the audio programs.
Video interviews to help you understand and feel comfortable with the process and to simulate as closely as possible what it’s like to see Darren [the hypnotherapist] in person.
Additional tips for controlling premature ejaculation.
Now, whether or not you believe in these approaches will determine whether or not you respond to my next suggestion with positive or negative attitude – and that is that you could use visualisation and manifestation techniques to control your premature ejaculation or end your delayed ejaculation.
Now I know this may seem like a radical idea, but I want you to consider it seriously because there’s a lot to be said for it.
Visualization is a long established process that people can use to control the mind programs that make you come too quickly (imagine your brain as a computer, and the way it operates is the software program).
Programs which determine your sexual behaviour can be impacted by visualization, which can actually amend these programs and get them operating differently & more effectively, in line with your expectations and desires.
If you want to enjoy better sexual relationships, with complete sexual pleasure for the woman as well as for yourself, then one way to do it is to ensure that you ejaculate in a timely fashion and you are able to make love for long enough to please your woman.
Often men fail to do this because they’re actually anxious or fearful or angry in some way about intimacy or because they have a fear of connection with a woman during lovemaking…
The number of psychological processes that might be going on here is almost infinite! Therefore, the opportunity to use some kind of mental programming technique like visualization shouldn’t be overlooked (nor should hypnosis – check it out here.)
The truth of the matter is that visualization is an extremely effective way of reprogramming your subconscious mind to behave in different fashion.
I believe that it can slow down the average ejaculation of a man with premature ejaculation from 30 seconds to around five minutes.
And you can do this for yourself simply by visualizing while you are in a relaxed state of mind the image that you want to sum up your ability as a man to make love to your partner.
Now, if you’re looking for are reasonable information source on visualization and how you can use it to bring about an outcome that is different to the current outcome of your lovemaking, I highly recommend this information because it offers you all the information you could possibly require about manifestation and visualization techniques, and it also provides you with explicit instructions on how to visualize, as well as how to satisfy the requirements of the process so that it will work for you.
In brief, you need to have absolute clarity about what you’re trying to achieve, you need to have absolute determination to achieve it, you need to expect as well as hope that it will be manifested for you, and you need to take some kind of action to achieve your objective. In general the action step is the one that holds people back, because they simply don’t understand how essential it is.
If you are going to use visualization and manifestation technique to control sexual dysfunction, then what you need to do is take action of some kind, and that will be in this case not only buying the MP3 recording that you are going to use to reprogram your mind, but also exploring other aspects of your psyche which are deficient around sexuality.
For example, you might need to explore how to make yourself more relaxed and comfortable in the presence of a woman, if you have intimacy issues. The good news, however, is that you can use the same method to actually explore everything – it’s not like you’re going to have to see a therapist to deal with one part of the problem!
If you’re a man who’s struggling against premature ejaculation, and it seems to be completely uncontrollable, then I have some fantastic news for you. I have the exciting and fulfilling job of helping men overcome sexual and relationship problems.
Over the years, that’s given me the chance to really understand how men can get over premature ejaculation. It’s also given me the opportunity to ask my male clients to try out various cures for premature ejaculation, so I know exactly what works.
The One That Works!
Ejaculation By Command By LloydLester.
Why’s it so good? Apart from the fact that it works? Well, first things first.
All of the techniques in this program are the ones that sex therapists use to cure premature ejaculation in their clients.
So Ejaculation By Command is based on really solid principles, with techniques and treatment methods used by professionals. (More about this later.)
And it’s written in a practical and down-to-earth style, by a man I know personally, who has made it his mission to help men with their ejaculatory problems.
Before I describe what’s in it, have a look at this video. Written and produced by a woman, it’s an amusing summary of some pointers about how you might cure premature ejaculation. But you need more. Read on when you’ve seen the video. Don’t be diverted!
So let’s look at what’s in Ejaculation by Command, and why it works so well.
There are two great things about this program:
First, you get 15 “Emergency Tactics” to help you last longer in bed tonight.
You also get a comprehensive eBook on controlling ejaculation quickly and permanently.
The Good News continues! There are also lots of bonuses, including info and videos on female orgasm secrets, female G spot stimulation, how to have the best sex possible…. and many more. They are great bonuses, and they’ll really help you have great sex. But what I want to talk about here is the basic eBook which shows you everything you ever wanted to know about ejaculation control.
It’s a pretty chunky eBook too, running into 135 pages. Fortunately you get a quick start guide which makes it all very easy. What’s great is that Ejaculation By Command isn’t just about giving you the ability to last longer in bed — it’s also about ways in which you can give your partner complete satisfaction (which means, of course, giving her an orgasm when you’re in bed with her).
The author, Lloyd Lester, takes several techniques, and blends them into a single approach to curing premature ejaculation.
His solution shows you how to use the muscles in your pelvic area, including your PC muscle, your pubococcygeus muscle, to slow down your arousal.
He describes how to use breathing techniques to massively slow down your ejaculation by spreading your sexual energy around your whole body. (So you may well experience a whole body orgasm!)
More importantly he shows you five fantastic techniques that will change your mental attitude to sex, so you’re completely confident about your ability to control ejaculation.
Which means you’ll have a true sense of your own masculinity and male power in bed.
Because, when you think about it, one of the biggest problems for men with premature ejaculation – and this might include you – is that they don’t believe they have the power to control their ejaculation. They don’t believe they’re good lovers. They don’t believe they’re sexually impressive to women.
The real truth is, everything you have to make you a great lover is within you now. Simply by changing your mental attitude and your beliefs about yourself, you can embody a very different reality, both in and out of bed.
This information is dynamite! It can blow your lack of confidence out of the water and replace it with supreme self-confidence and total self-assurance with women, both in bed and out of it.
In fact, it’s hard for me to really explain this revolutionary approach to curing premature ejaculation in a brief review like this. (If you want a full review, here it is.) So please take it from me that changing your mental attitude is half the battle — no, it’s a lot more than half the battle. It’s everything.
What you believe about your sexual performance becomes your sexual performance.
When you believe you have the power to be a great lover and control ejaculation, you’ll never apologize again for coming too soon. Because never again will you come too soon!
This eBook reveals secrets about male arousal that you’ve never even heard about before now. It reveals secrets of how to control your arousal. It shows you in great detail the breathing techniques, the muscle control techniques, the thrusting techniques, the relaxation techniques, and the mental techniques that will allow you to stay well below the point of no return as you thrust into your partner and bring her to orgasm.
Laci Green on Premature Ejaculation
Other Ways Of Preventing Rapid Ejaculation (That Don’t Work)
Delay Creams and Lotions
To start with, I can tell you that very few men like using delay creams or lotions, or condoms containing anesthetic to numb the penis. Men always tell me that these so-called premature ejaculation cures produce a burning or stinging sensation in the penis.
They also say that anesthetics remove all feeling so there’s no pleasure in sex, or your cock is so numb you just lose your erection.
And some men have told me these lotions and potions simply don’t work: you still ejaculate prematurely and just as quick as ever, but you don’t feel anything.
Diagnosis: avoid at all costs.
Thinking About Taxes Or Roadkill
You’d think this would work, wouldn’t you? And yet the truth is, trying to distract yourself from what’s going on during sex is completely ineffective as a means of overcoming premature ejaculation. You see, the thing is this: to be fully present in sex you need to have your mind on what you’re doing.
To enjoy sex as much as possible, you need to have your mind on what you’re doing. For your partner to feel that you’re really with her, enjoying love-making, you need to have your mind on what you’re doing.
And above all, to be aware of how near ejaculation you are, you need to have your mind on what you’re doing.
When you take your mind off the subject, so to speak, and start thinking about taxes and roadkill, several things can happen. First, you might lose your erection, which I guess is actually a pretty good cure for premature ejaculation. (Irony, my friend.)
Second, as soon as you lose awareness of how aroused you are, you lose the ability to control when you come. And third, sex just isn’t a great experience for you or your partner.
Diagnosis: don’t even go there.
Pills and Potions Bought on the Internet
Oh please, don’t tell me you think you can buy some mysterious potion off the Internet and hope that it actually helps you to overcome your tendency to ejaculate prematurely? Weren’t all those years of penis enlargement scams enough to reveal just how dishonest the snake oil salesmen can be? The truth is, there aren’t any herbs, there aren’t any pills, and there aren’t any mysterious Far Eastern remedies on the Internet that will cure your premature ejaculation. Furthermore, if you mysteriously do decide to buy these things, and later realize they were a complete scam and try to get your money back… well, good luck.
Diagnosis: Waste of time and money.
Squeezing Your PC Muscles To Stop Yourself Ejaculating
It’s a common suggestion on the Internet: just squeeze those muscles, the ones you use to stop yourself peeing, just before you ejaculate, and bingo! No more coming too soon for you!Unfortunately it’s complete garbage.
As I’ve said many times here, there and everywhere, you cannot stop yourself ejaculating by squeezing your PC muscles when you start to come. All that happens is you carry on ejaculating anyway, and the feelings of orgasm are ruined (in fact, you won’t have any sense of pleasure at all, and your juices will dribble out weakly.).
Where this myth came from I don’t know, but if I have the time one day I’ll research it and let you know.
In the meantime, take it from me that the only way to use the PC muscle to control a rapid ejaculation is to squeeze it briefly during foreplay or lovemaking at regular intervals.
This will have the effect of softening your erection and reducing your arousal, thereby allowing you to make sex last longer. As it happens, the treatment program that I’m recommending on this page has lots more information about this technique.
Diagnosis: Buy the program shown in the top right hand column of this page and get the truth about PC muscle control!
The Stop-Start Method and Squeeze Technique
Well, these were the first behavioral techniques developed for men to extend the delay before they ejaculated. And to some extent, they do work. The problem is that you need a helping hand — by which I mean you need somebody to talk you through it, and you need somebody alongside you after the training period is over to keep you motivated and on track.
Not perhaps literally alongside you in the bedroom, but certainly helping and advising you about how to maintain the results you achieve during the training program. Without a lot of motivation, and a high level of commitment from the man, the fact is that these programs tend to lose their effectiveness over time.
In Masters and Johnsons’ research study, after 12 months of practice, the failure rate was about 3%. (Which means three couples in every hundred were coming just as fast as before. Which means 97 had complete control of ejaculation.)
But in fact nothing like this success rate has ever really been achieved since. The reason seems to be that therapists can train people to control the delay in ejaculation very well using these techniques, but then, without support, the man stops using the techniques or loses motivation and gradually begins to ejaculate just as quickly as before. So without a lot of motivation and commitment, this isn’t going to work.
Diagnosis: Do it if you want to overcome premature ejaculation and you have high motivation to keep you going. Better, get the treatment program I recommend and never have to worry about coming too quickly again!
Here are the simplest ways in which you can learn how to delay your ejaculation almost immediately.
1) Engage in long-lasting foreplay. This will accustom you to being highly sexually aroused without ejaculating. The more time you spend pleasuring your partner before you enter her, the more satisfied she will be, and the more relaxed you will be, even if you’re highly sexually aroused.
2) Remain relaxed during sexual activity. This is extremely important when you’re learning how to delay your ejaculation, because orgasm is basically the release of bodily tension, and the more tense you are in your body, the more your body will seek to release that tension through premature ejaculation.
3) Use deep breathing to remain relaxed. Point 2 above is essential in learning to delay ejaculation. But you may be wondering exactly how you can remain physically relaxed when you’re in a sexually arousing situation. The answer is to use deep, slow breathing: make your breathing conscious, and be aware of how rapidly or slowly you are breathing. Consciously take deep breaths and release them slowly through your mouth; as you do so, feel your body relax.
4) Slow down the rate of increase in your sexual arousal by taking pauses during foreplay and intercourse. You’ll feel inclined to do the opposite — in other words, to charge ahead to ejaculation and orgasm. But you can consciously choose to take breaks which will allow your arousal to decline slightly, and therefore when you come back to sex, allow you to continue stimulating your partner (or receiving stimulation) for longer, without early ejaculation. (Note that these are “automatic techniques” for which you don’t even need to have any deeper, technical knowledge of how to avoid premature ejaculation.)
5) When you enter your partner be aware of how aroused you are at every stage of the sexual act, right up to the moment of orgasm. To know how to delay your ejaculation you have to know how aroused you are: and the only way to know how aroused you are is to actually be aware of what your body is telling you. And the point of this? Well, if you are aware of how aroused you are, you will know when to take a break during sexual activity – this is a way to let your arousal to drop so that you can last longer in bed when you resume sexual intercourse.
6) Overcoming premature ejaculation requires a clear intention on your part. It’s not enough to decide to delay your ejaculation before you get into bed. Your resolution to last longer, and to overcome premature ejaculation, must remain intact whilst you’re actually in a sexual situation with your partner, even while you are making love to her. Indeed, in delaying ejaculation, there is probably very little more important than your focused intention to be a better lover.
You may have noticed tension in your body during sex, especially pelvic tension. This comes from automatic, almost unnoticed behaviors during sex: holding your breath, tightening your muscles, and supporting your weight in the man on top sexual position. Muscle tension always increases the risk of premature ejaculation, so it’s important to know how to delay the build up of this tension.
The reason muscle tension is your enemy in the battle against premature ejaculation is that orgasm is a build up and release of tension, so the lower your muscle tension during lovemaking, the longer you can delay ejaculating. Of course, while being relaxed helps you last longer, the stronger the build up and release of tension when you ejaculate, the better your orgasm will feel. So immediately you have a paradox – how to stay relaxed and enjoy powerful orgasms?
Well, by being able to control how tension develops. If you actively decreasing tension in your pelvic and abdominal areas outside of the bedroom, you start making love with less tension, which will give you longer to let it build up (longer before you ejaculate, that is). So give and receive full body massages: when your partner massages you, allow your anxiety to drop and bodily tension to release; thi skind of massage is not about genital stimulation; it’s about being touched in a healing way. Men who enjoy their bodies, men who like being touched, often have lower anxiety levels.
Another important technique for learning how to delay orgasm is doing Kegel exercises. This is a great way to strengthen your pelvic region and PC or pubococcygeus muscles.
Delaying Ejaculation During Lovemaking: The Start-Stop Method
The start-stop method works well for many men who want to last longer during sex. It will allow you to learn delay techniques that give you ample time to pleasure your partner before you enjoy your own orgasm. The simplest way to practice the start-stop method is to enjoy extended masturbation.
Masturbate until you are ready to have an orgasm and then stop stimulation. Train yourself to find when your point of no return (the moment of ejaculatory inevitability) happens – that’s the few moments where you know your orgasm is about to start, when you really are ready to ejaculate – and then, rather than ejaculating, stop masturbating, and allow the feeling of impending orgasm to subside.
What you’re doing is training your mind and body to accommodate higher states of arousal without relexing into orgasm – you’re extending the so-called plateau phase of your sexual response cycle so there’s more time between the excitement and orgasm phase.
To complete the process of discovering how to delay ejaculation, start by masturbation with the start-stop method as described above, then move on to masturbation by your partner, oral sex, and finally intercourse.
The great news is that there is a fantastic free report available from this website that will show you how easy it can be to have complete control over your ejaculation. Yes, complete control! That means you can actually choose when to ejaculate when you make love. Download the free report below (give it a few moments to download - it's full of vital information for all men who come quickly).